you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I have tasted many bathrooms
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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