Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
