so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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