The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
