I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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