My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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