the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
