is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
found the other keg... it's in the tree
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
there is glitter all over my balls
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
