just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Alive.
So much puke
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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