Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
splinters make it hard to masturbate
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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