I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
