a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
