if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
