i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize