Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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