My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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