How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
