I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
