My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
