i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
