you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
