listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize