I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
