It was confusing and full of hummus
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
