Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
