Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
