sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
