Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
The air taste purple.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
