From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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