plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
