i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
