How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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