I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
