I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
