sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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