Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
