and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
