sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
