I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
