got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
