And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
