have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
