good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
you made out with another girl for some wings
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
