maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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