Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
True but thats because hes a fetus.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
