It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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