you guys were way drunker than both of me
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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