I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
