the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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