Got a toothbrush?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
