the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
