we were pretty classy up until the second keg
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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