The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
