i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
