margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
