I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So vagazzling was a success
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
