he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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