but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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