We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize