please come you make the beer taste better
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
