so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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