Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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