Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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