I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
