Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize