What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
