Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize