he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
