I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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