maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
