My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just had sex on a roof
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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