I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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