if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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